My earliest memory of you happens to be one of my favorite memories with you. You were getting ready to go grocery shopping and asked me to go with you. I remember the feeling of being chosen and wanted when you asked. I climbed into the passenger seat of the car and to this day, I am not sure if I asked a question or made a statement. But I will always remember what happened after. I called you "mom" for the first time. I remember the look on your face. You were shocked. Tears started forming in your eyes, and for a moment I thought I might have said something wrong. I followed my statement with "Is it ok that I call you mom". You were so happy, and from that day, I knew you as nothing but my mother.
We don't need to go into details about our past with my biological mother because YOU have fulfilled every ounce of the term and definition of what a mother is. I remember seeing you on your knees praying in the front of our church. I knew you were praying for me and Gina. And I knew, mama, because of your time spent on your knees praying to our Father, that we would win the fight. And we did. God won the fight for us.
I remember having nightmares. We lived in the blue house. Every night you would scoop me up out of bed and carry me into the living room. You would turn on the tape that played the sounds of waves crashing on the beach and seagulls singing in the background. I would sit on your lap as you rocked me back and forth. Back and forth we would rock and you would sing hymns in my ear. One night, I just could not fall back asleep. You took me outside to our back yard and we picked roses from the bush that sat against our house. Then we sat on the steps and looked at the stars and the moon in the night sky. When we came in, you put the flowers in a vase and told me that it would be our secret. We wouldn't tell anyone how or why the flowers got there. You will never know how warm my heart felt to be the one to sneak out of the house with you and pick flowers. It was easy to fall asleep after that night because of the feeling in my heart. It was a feeling of true love.
Do you remember the Christmas when I was afraid that Santa wouldn't know where to find us? You had Daddy call him the Eve of Christmas to let him know that we were "home" with you and Daddy. You tease me because I still refer to the lake as my home. I know that I don't live there anymore, but I see it as my home because that is where you and Daddy are. If you were in Canada, then Canada would become my home.
I was a teenager and we had one of our horrible fights. I told you horrible things out of anger. You made me get in the van. I was so angry and yet I knew I should not have been ugly towards you but I wasn't sure how to tell you I was sorry. You drove me to the park that sits behind the Tallassee Elementary school and we walked to the swings. I honestly do not remember our conversation that day. But I remember something changed. I saw through my teenaged female hormones that you were a constant in my life. I also saw the pain and hurt that I had caused to a woman who did everything for me. I know that I still had my teenage moments after that day but never again would I take you for granted.
You made a lot of sacrifices to be my mother. I honestly don't think you even see them as sacrifices, but that's what they were. You loved me like your own. You never entitled yourself as a mother, but I knew as a young child that you were what a mother should be. You never did for yourself because you made sure that Gina and I had everything we ever needed or wanted. You bravely fought for our lives.
The past few years have been a series of trials for me. There were times I felt like giving up. But you wouldn't let me. You showed me love, sometimes tough love but love nonetheless. I drew from your strength. I am the woman and mother I am today because of you. As I write this, tears are literally pouring down my face. God chose you to be my mother. He knew I would need you to teach me about His love. And you knew I would need Him to survive this life.
I will never ever be able to tell you in the human language how much love and gratitude I have for you. There aren't words in the English language but I will attempt to do my best. I love you, mommy. I am grateful for your sacrifice. I am thankful for the spiritual and physical battles you fought with me in mind. Thank you for encouraging me to dream big. Thank you for encouraging me to travel. Thank you for introducing me to a variety of music that included but was not limited to Frank Sinatra, The Carpenters, Michael Bolton, Neil Diamond, Wilson Phillips, The Beach Boys, Elton John, Carly Simon, and so so much more. Thank you for pushing me to achieve and be great. Thank you for screening the music I listened to and the movies I watched. Thank you for giving me a curfew. Thank you for teaching me to have standards. Thank you for teaching me how to put on make up and shave my legs. Thank you for teaching me the beauty of sitting still with a cup of coffee and nothing but the sound of silence. Thank you for showing me what strength looks like. Thank you for encouraging me to be a woman after the heart of the Father. Thank you for telling me about Jesus and His love for me. For everything you have done and will do, I am grateful. You are my home. You are my strength and encouragement. You are my mom. I love you, mommy, and I am so grateful that I am yours!!
