My Secret Revealed

A few months ago, I wrote a blog called "The Aftermath".  I had felt lead to share with others my experience through my divorce and what I learned through the journey.  I really had no expectations except that maybe others would know that they weren't alone.  I never imagined the response I would get after I posted the blog.  More than that, I never imagined that weeks, even months later, I would have friends, acquaintances, and even strangers reach out to me for advice or simply request prayer for their own journey through a broken relationship.  My heart is so grieved with the destruction of so many relationships and the evident attack of the enemy in the area of relationships and families.  Many of you who have reached out to me have shared your story, and as you share your experience, my heart cries out to the Father on your behalf.  Everyone of you have wanted an answer to the questions.  The secret to overcoming the pain.  Out of overwhelming love and passion to see God win in your life,   I have a response.  

1)  Jesus

It is the only true answer I have to give you.  Any other advise I have to offer flows from this one response.  In fact, He is the only factor in our life that is constant.  When we marry, it is forever.  Once that vision for our lives is stripped away, what once was viewed as constant becomes questioned or gone completely.  Psalms 73:26 says "My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak,   but God remains the strength of my heart; He is mine forever".  This verse is so comforting to me.  Even when I have been abandoned, my Father remains a strength that I can depend on.  He has promised us in Deuteronomy 31:6 that He would "neither fail you nor abandon you".  That's a pretty bold statement for Him to make.  What separates God from the other people in our lives who have made promises that were later broken is the fact that He is not a liar.  So my answer to you is Jesus.  Turn to Him.  

2) Praise

This is where it gets annoying and a little cliche.  Most of us have heard the very spiritual phrase "praise Him in the storm".  There are songs about it.  The phrase has been turned into cute little pinterest quotes with pretty little backgrounds of the sky or ocean that make it seem so simple to do.  Let me be completely honest with you....It's stinking hard.  In fact, it is the hardest aspect of going through a trial.  Trials have a tendency of making us only see the situation that we are in.  But praise...spending time with our Father refocuses our mind.  I love how David boldly tells God in Psalms 141:8 "But my eyes are fixed on you, Sovereign Lord; in you I take refuge-do not give me over to death".  I feel that many people dealing with grief can attest to the feeling of death that you feel on the inside.  Walking through my divorce, there were days that I felt like a robot.  I did enough to simply get through the day.  I look back and am amazed that I made it out of that time period alive because I felt dead on the inside.  When we praise our Father, things change on the inside.  Our focus turns from our issues and our spiritual eyes are opened to His goodness and His faithfulness.  

3) Find a purpose bigger than your problem

I was driving home one weekend from visiting my parents.  I came by way of the interstate.  I usually took 280, but this particular time I had decided to come I65.  My son was with his father that weekend, and my heart was not in a good place.  I had taken major steps away from God at the time and was in a very broken place.  As I was driving, I noticed a larger man on the opposite side of the interstate walking towards the next exit.  He was limping.  A little ways behind him was a truck.  He still had a ways to go before he got to the exit.  Before I could allow myself to think rationally, I drove my car over the grass that separated the two sides of the interstate and first stopped behind the parked truck that seemed to belong to the man ahead.  Indeed, I found a beautiful older woman who was his girlfriend.  She was in tears.  She explained that they had just left the hospital.  He had fluid building in his knees and had to have them drained.  And now their truck has run out of gas and they didn't have much money to get any more.  They were just hoping they could make it home on the gas they had.  So I assured the lady I would help and I drove on ahead and picked the man up.  He was so tall he barely fit into my car.  Long story short, I helped them get gas for their truck, and prayed with them before I left.  Mind you...this was probably the first time I spoke with God in a long time.  The couple was continually thanking me.  But as I left, I found myself in complete tears thankful that I had the opportunity to meet this couple.  Helping them softened my heart to a need outside of my own.  It reminded me of the good in this world.  And the bible tells us that every good and perfect thing comes from the Father.  That act of kindness in some way connected my heart to God again.  My heart that was growing hard felt His love again through an act of service.  

4) Think on these things

You might not have the answer or get the answer. That is a really tough pill for me to swallow.  I will replay a scenario over and over in my mind trying to dissect it and pinpoint where things went wrong.  Doing that is like drinking poison.  It poisons your heart and your mind.  Your thoughts are consumed and your focus is thrown.  Philippians 4:8 tells us to think on the things that are noble, pure, right, lovely, admirable, praiseworthy or excellent. These are the things that demand our thoughts.  Because we become what our thoughts are.  My thoughts were leading me nowhere but into a state of confusion and depression.  Thinking on the positive not only helped change things on the inside, but on the outside as well.  I smiled more often.  I laughed.  Which was so therapeutic and needed after coming out of the desert (metaphorically speaking).  

5)Find your family

By this, I mean your spiritual family.  While I value the importance of the biological family, it is not the family I am speaking of.  Almost two years ago, I was a stay at home mother, with little money to get gas for the car and get out of the house.  I had a colicky son.  Bath times were scarce to come by.  Meeting people...that was out of the question.  When I did attend church, it consisted of me and other breast feeding mothers huddled up listening to the message in the provided Nursing Room.  I begged God everyday to bring people into my life.  Psalms 68:6 tells us that God sets the lonely in families.  I smile thinking about that period of my life, begging Him to bring me friends.  Two years later, I am abundantly blessed with people who love the Lord and push me closer to Him, and yet at the same time, love me like family.  My Father's faithfulness is real and He wants us in families within the body of Christ.  Join a small group.  Find a way to connect.  Serve with others and make new friends.  You never know who will become your family.  


And finally, rest in the promise that the Lord is near to those who have hearts that are broken (Psalms 34:18-19).  David exclaims in Psalms 118:17 "I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the Lord". The truth is...I don't have any secret answers or magic tricks.  I still struggle from my divorce.  The struggle looks different than it did a year ago.  Now it is more of parenting, managing my time/finances and still learning how to get everything accomplished while raising a growing boy.  I'm learning how to be alone physically but acknowledge God's ever presence and constant companionship.  There are still struggles.  But like David, as long as I am alive, I am determined to tell others of His goodness while openly claiming that I am very flawed.  There is hope, sweet friend.  I know your heart is breaking and you want to know why.  I wish I could hold you and help wipe your tears and assure you that it will get better.  Please know that our Father sees you and He loves you so much.  He has seen every tear that you have shed and He has heard every prayer that you have prayed.  He has not forgotten you.  Take hold of his mercies that are new every morning.  Grab on to His promise and find hope in His Word.  I encourage you to find the answers you are seeking in Him.  He is the only answer, the great mystery of joy in trials, and the secret revealed.