The Missing Mother.

Now that Aiden has turned one, I have found myself looking back at pictures from the past year.  There are many, MANY pictures.  Each picture holds a special memory of that moment shared.  There is one thing that I noticed in all of these amazing pictures.  I am missing in many of them.  I see the pictures.  I remember the moment.  But I am not there in the picture.  "Where were you?", I asked myself.  Then it dawned on me.  I took these pictures.  There are several pictures of Aiden with many of our friends and family.  People that we love and adore more than anything.  Now, don't misunderstand me.  There are pictures of Aiden and I.  But these pictures are posed.  Many of them I had to ask someone, "Could you please take a picture of me with Aiden".  I spend everyday with my son.  I feed him, bathe him, play with him on the floor for hours at a time, sing to him, make funny faces and do silly dances to keep him from crying, take him to his doctor appointments, rock him to sleep, and change almost every diaper he has ever had.  I am always there with him.  Why are there not more pictures of us together?  Well, for one, it is usually just Aiden and I.  My husband works hard everyday and he's a man.  It's not like he thinks of taking pictures.  And to be honest, it is not like I would want him to.  I am most likely in a t-shirt, sweatpants, no make-up, hair tangled in a fallen bun.  Why would I want him to take pictures of me in that manner?  I guess when I saw that there weren't many candid pictures of Aiden and I, it upset me because I am always there.  I felt like Aiden would look back and wonder, "Where's mommy".  If you are a mother, you have most likely shared a familiar sentiment.  You are the one who captures those precious moments of your children.  Here's the thing.  It's okay to be missing out of these pictures.  Why?  Because you WERE there.   The entire time, you were the one in the moment.  If there is one thing that I have learned being a mother it is to enjoy the moments.  Even the bad ones when your baby is nonstop crying and you are working on little to no sleep.  These moments are not enjoyable.  Trust me, I know.  But they are moments to treasure because you were the one who was there to rock that sweet baby to sleep and let them know everything is okay.  Pictures fade.  And sometimes, pictures cause you to interrupt the moment.  I wish there were more candid pictures of Aiden and I, but I would not trade the moments that I had experienced for the sake of a picture.  If a picture is worth a thousand words, then a memory must be worth a lifetime.  There might not be a picture of the many times that Aiden and I went for strolls in the park, or the time that we fell asleep on the couch while watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse at 4am in the morning.  There isn't a picture of the time that I made Aiden laugh by doing this ridiculous dance in the kitchen.  But I have my memories.  These precious memories of our time spent together.  I remember my first night having to rock him in my brand new rocking chair.  I wasn't even angry or aggravated.  I was weirdly proud and excited to be the one that my baby needed to put him to sleep again.  I will never forget that night.  The picture is forever graved in my mind and carved in my heart.  So to you amazing, warrior like mothers.  Be encouraged.  You may be missing in many of your family photos, but you will forever be present in the lives of your children and in their hearts. 

This is one of my favorite pictures of Aiden and I.  We were posing for my husband to take a picture and my sweet sister snapped this picture with my phone without me knowing.  So I do in fact have a few "candid" pictures :)